Jon 'Danger' Gale (Retail Marketing Executive) – Two old gits and a silly moo

Having checked the weather forecasts on Friday I was pretty confident there was no area suitable for rock climbing or winter climbing so I looked forward to a weekend of domestic bliss. Walking the dog, clearing out the garage, visit the supermarket – these all become enjoyable to the over 60’s.

All went well until a phone call at Saturday lunchtime from my climbing partner. Meikle Ross in Galloway, South West Scotland is perfect on Sunday – no birds, dry , little wind and sunshine.

So at 10.00am on Sunday we park up at the end of a rough track with a 10minute (30mins for old gits) walk to the crag.

All was going well until we approached the cow shed and realised that we could not avoid going through the gate and along the track occupied by several of the fiercest mammals known to man in the UK. Yes, a herd of cows.

However armed with walking poles it soon became obvious that we were the boss and the cows disappeared up the track to reveal the real issue. Cow slurry up to 2ft deep as measured by said walking poles. Almost overcome with gas and using every trick we had gained over the years we managed to get through with no slurry in our boots.

The climbing was great, good rock, sun and sea. Such a pity we were so over weight and unfit but still we were ticking off the roots.

Final route of the day was at the left end of the crag. From the top we traversed on to the steep grassy scramble leading down to Limehouse Blues crag. “There are cow hoof marks her”, “Don’t be silly, far too steep for cows.”

As we traverse above the final vertical 15ft drop to the beach we see a cow, stood very still and watching us carefully.

From the beach I went as close as I dare without spooking him and had a chat. “How the f… did you get here without breaking a leg, are you OK” I said.

“Please help me, I am stuck here and very hungry” said the cow flashing her eye lids.

Feeling a little helpless (Not an unusual feeling these days) we hurried back to the sack and set off to find the farmer.

Finding the farmer ( and I must add the farmer’s wife was highly attractive) he informed us that he had been looking for the cow for two days and assumed she was dead.

So we said our goodbyes, winked at the farmer’s wife and drove home.

I would like to say there was a happy ending. In reality we just do not know. The farmer was going to contact the coastguard to see if they were interested in an exercise as the farmer would not have the resources to rescue the animal.